I'm a disobedient child

My Oswald Chambers Today:

Sanctification - The mystery of sanctification is that the perfect qualities of Jesus Christ (Solus Christus) are imparted as a gift (Sola Gratia) to me, not gradually, but instantly once I enter by faith (Sola Fide) into the realization that He "Became for [me]...sanctification" (1 Corinthians 1:30). Sanctification means nothing less than the holiness of Jesus becoming mine and being exhibited in my life.

I added the Sola's because they always pop out to me now in scripture and thought. I could complete Oswald with: "Being exhibited in my life" for the Glory of God (Soli Deo Gloria).

What strikes me is: "...not gradually, but instantly once I enter by faith" I understand and accept instant sanctification and Jesus becoming mine instantly...where I fail is in having Jesus being exhibited in my life instantly. This for me has been gradual, a walk or at times a crawl. A childish fight to not be dragged into a certain area that I wish not to go. Like a child I want my desires to be met and as long as my Father's desires for me come into line with my own desires then no conflict arises. What often happens however is that God's desires are not my own. That's when the gradual comes in. I fight against Him, like a child instead of trusting in Him like an obedient child. Oswald understood this to be impossible. That Jesus would and should be exhibited in his life (and mine) instantly just as the holiness of Jesus becomes ours instantly.

"Lord I want to be your obedient child...please transform my desires to become your desires. Amen."

Rabbit, Run

Your life was left wanting
Rabbit wanted running
run Rabbit, run Rabbit, rabbit, run

Your child you left, gave up on the little guy
You lacked the balls to be father
rabbit, run.

Your life was left wanting
rabbit wanted running
rabbit, run

Thin haired woman, bottle in hand, bun in oven
She's drinking her pain numb
rabbit, run

run to the painted whore, try to redeem
run from your problems
rabbit, run

The grass is greener on the other side
in your head your thoughts of being barred hit you hard
run rabbit, run
rabbit, run

you don't need to run
water your own yard.
Love rabbit, love
Rabbit, love

Tonight

Sitting, watching the TV
you asleep on my lap
Do you know how much I love you?
You sleeping like that, you look perfect.

Sometimes I see you as the little girl I first met.
Tonight is a "sometime"
It was over 13 years ago, seems so far away.
We were two kids in love, just worried about that day

Sixteen years old, we talked about a future
that seemed so slow to come.
We are here now; worries, fatigue and grey hair to show.

I wouldn't change a thing, with you in my lap tonight.
I could stay here forever.
Your tired head rest on my lap marching through unknown dreams
mine is lost in nostalgia.

I still carry the picture of a high school junior in my wallet
The edges are worn and the color is fading.

Like the photo our bodies will fade and wear;
our love is bright,
our love is crisp,
our love is young, vibrant and still excited in me
tonight.

LOVE

a word

one word

used abused refused
accepted neglected rejected

I just want it reflected

Into me so brightly that it
shines rays of light out
of my fingers and toes

That people who meet me and greet me
they see the word inside of me

It fuels me

It's required by my soul
more than my lungs can last without that
element "O" I found on that table in
room 301 in the science hall...periodically

One time in fourth grade I went
underwater with a wrist watch on and
gave myself a headache because I stopped "O"
for 90 seconds

But I know in less than one second without
the Capital L from The One who breaths
life into all created beings

I'd

be

done

I'm a fiend that runs inefficiently on it
but I don't pay the cost
and my failure to pass the emissions test of righteousness
makes the price of that fossil fuel look minuscule

a perfect life was lived

He knows that my soul could not hold out without
so He laid it down

I drink from His cup
I fall to my knees
and try to press my forehead through the ground
at the foot of His execution device

I ask him to join me
and He swims so deeply into my heart
with a pick axe he breaks off the hard parts
and softens me

I look up and say: "dhonnobad"

Capital "w" Wisdom

I love Michangelo's creation of Adam; God is outstretched reaching with all his might, being held by the angels of Heaven so that he does not fall. Then there's me (man/Adam) barely giving any effort, I'm lazy and I make sure that I stay comfortable, I reach out with a limp wrist keeping myself just out of God's reach.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" - Proverbs 3:5

I have at my disposal the ability to tap into the wisdom of the creator of the Universe. The One who knows the fabric of my soul and holds the future in his hands.

I have in me the power of the Holy Spirit. Those who ask for it have been left with "The Counselor" (Jn 16:7) and this Spirit of Truth will guide us to all Truth (Jn 16:13).

Wow...but something is wrong, because I don't feel that I have the wisdom of God when I need it. I don't always feel "guided". When I do "feel" something can I honestly tell myself that I'm in communication enough with God through prayer, and that I'm in his word enough to know that my thoughts our not my own, but Gods?

I am guided by my will.

God did great things through Jesus' disciples and I think: "sure they did these things but they were able to walk with Jesus for 3 years; if you gave me that privilege Lord I would look like Peter, Andrew, James our John too" (See how I assume that I would be in Jesus' inner group?...My pride and ignorance are grand). But Jesus tells them that God will give them something better than his teachings and miracles, he says that it's good that he's leaving that once he dies they will receive something that wont speak to them in parables or figuratively but the Spirit of Truth will tell them plainly. This spirit is something I will have access too as well. I have no excuses.

"I tell you the Truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you" (John 16:5-7)..."I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

So instead of listening to God I lean on the understandings and advice of other humans and mostly myself. I trust my limited human knowledge that is motivated by my own selfish and sinful desires. And I don't trust in God.

I ask for God's wisdom (that is easy)

but when he gives me his wisdom do I listen or follow it no matter how hard? Or do I sit comfortably and give God an index finger not even fully extended?

My mind needs to be his.

**This was written while listening to The Low Anthem's album Smart Flesh**

LOVE WINS - Rob Bell

Rob Bell comes out with a new book titled "Love Wins" and because "iLike" Mr. Bell on facebook I received a video promo for the book. After I watched it I thought that Mr. Bell does what he's always done...very well. He ask tough questions. He ask questions that make you think about what you believe and maybe more importantly why you believe them.









But then after watching this I wondered at what point do questions become dangerous? At what point does challenging a certain theology or doctrine become dangerous? When I first watched this I felt turned off; that Mr. Bell had gone too far, that his questions were dangerous and could lead people down a wide path instead of a narrow one. I started to think that this seemed like Christian Universalism. A Universalist believes that all paths lead to God. A Christian Universalist believes that Christ died and saved everyone from hell regardless of what they believe or how much they do or do not love God. They believe that you don't need to recognize Christ sacrifice on the cross to receive the saving grace of God. And apparently I'm not the only one who thought this about the the video (google Rob Bell Universalist).

Then I thought that Rob Bell needs to sell books and what better way than making a video under three minutes to create some controversy and let both sides buy the book because in the video he didn't answer the questions he's asking.

Truth is I will buy the book, I want to know if Rob Bell is a Universalist or not. I like most of the questions that Mr. Bell has asked in the past.

I don't know Mr. Bell (That's why I've tried to call him Mr. Bell), we are not friends, and I'm not on a first name basis with him. He doesn't know me, and I'm don't want to be a guy that bashes famous people he doesn't know....it's too easy. I only know what he lets me know. In his lectures, his nooma video's, his books and his sermons.


Now for my question: Is Mr. Bell a Christian Universalist or is this video another way to sell books? Or both, or neither?

All

Poverty, crime, pain, suffering...I see these things and I wonder: "What is Jesus waiting on". Then for others I have a theological explanation on living in a fallen world and I'll mention original sin and how we've ruined God's perfect plan for us. All of which I believe but I think sometimes I say them out loud to convince myself. So back to: "What is Jesus waiting on"...he's waiting on me.

I want the benefit of being a Follower of Christ--such as salvation, peace, joy and the like--but I want to retain a little independence as well. We all want to hold on to part of ourselves for ourselves, and I know I want to control the tempo of my discipleship. "I'll do that when the kids get older, I'll start doing that when I have more time, **insert more excuses here**”.

If I ask myself "Does Jesus have 100% of my heart?" I don't like the answer. My thoughts, behaviors and dreams...are they mine or His?

Truth is Jesus desires more of me than I've given Him to this point. He wants it ALL. Sometimes I wonder what Jesus is waiting on...he's waiting on me.

Obey

"To obey is better than sacrifice" - 1 Samuel 15:22

There is nothing that I can sacrifice to God that can make him love me more.
There is no amount of money I can give
There is no amount of devotionals I can read
There is not an amount of volunteering I can do
There is not a number of Bible studies I can attend

God does not need anything from me
God can continue being a perfect God with or without me
but...God wants my "whole life".

He wants it because he does love me. He knows what I as a human need. I need to be re-united with God. The hole and the space will not be filled by myself or my actions or abilities to follow rules and traditions of men.

God doesn't want me because he knows he'll damn me to hell if I don't love him. God wants me because if I separate myself from his Law, Love and Grace I will separate myself from him and with that separate myself from eternal life.

The good news for sorry little me is that while there is nothing I can do to gain God's favor or to make him love me anymore there is also nothing I can do to lose his Love.

All sins apart from the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit are forgivable. Denying God to live in us is our only damnable offence.

To Obey is better than sacrifice


"This is love for God: to obey his commands and his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." - 1 John 5:3

Married Woman

I am in love with a married woman
she's smart, funny and kind
I am in love with a married woman
like a possession I feel she's mine

I know it's love, I think
as I watch her profile laugh at a
soon to be forgotten sitcom on channel 5, 9, or 12

She doesn't know this but I can't stand
this program and my eyes that were watching
her mouth laugh move to her uncovered little feet.
I sit on the couch to be with her...
this married woman

I hear her children playing upstairs
and my concentration breaks
my attraction to her grows
and my gaze goes from her toes
out the window

A gecko nervously pulsates his head from the
base of a tree, looking for that mate to be

I hear another giggle and refocus my
attention, now she's looking at me.

Her eyes I see and this married woman is
still a mystery.

I'm glad I wed a young girl over 10 years ago
so that this married woman and I could let our love grow.

Sitting

I've been sitting
watching the time go by
not knowing why but I'm losing

I've seen dark times, the stars and the night times
I've heard bad dreams, nightmares & day screams
but I found my way here too.

You'll accept me, never reject me
Love and hold me through
all my mistakes, my short fuse and
my bad dates I can't keep you away.

I know I found the King not buried in
the ground, he was raised in just three days.

God's only Son, Holy & Anointed One
Here for the last, the lost, the meek.

Please kill my pride, that separated me
from your side, I'll ask my mom if I can play

Please God: thank you for your only Son
Please God: let 'em all feel your love
that is...he last, the lost, the weak
That is...me

Broken

It could be beautiful
It's broken, I run across it in a dusty shop
It was made long ago and beautiful
It's broken now.

I purchase the broken unrealized treasure with the intention to fix it

Days to weeks
weeks to years
years to decades

During these times I work on it
Sometimes I work harder at it
Sometimes it sits for months with no attention
Gathering dust, until I remember again
the un-realized treasure in my possession

I tell family, friends and neighbors what I'm working on through the years
I gain their admiration and appreciation
Most of the time just for taking on such a grand project and hefty task

Most admire me for the effort alone
At times the recognition is enough
And I momentarily abandon the goal of
total refurbishment

At times it sits to be a story to be admired by others

In the end I know that to fix my currently broken, but possibly beautiful treasure
that I must give it to the manufacturer

I know that I'm missing a piece that will never be in my possession
I will never obtain it
without this missing piece, it will never work as intended
It will never stand on its own

I don't want to surrender the treasure
I'd rather have it broken and to myself than have it fixed and out of my possession

If I give it away I will never get it back

The original manufacturer will restore it
and the treasures beauty will be used
but not for me to admire
I won't be able to take recognition for fixing it

I'll have given up
I'll have quit

IwillneverfixitIwillneverfixitIwillneverfixit

Days to weeks
Weeks to years
Years to decades

I will never fix it
It's broken

I will never fix it
I'm broken

I give up....
I quit...

Christ restore me