All

Poverty, crime, pain, suffering...I see these things and I wonder: "What is Jesus waiting on". Then for others I have a theological explanation on living in a fallen world and I'll mention original sin and how we've ruined God's perfect plan for us. All of which I believe but I think sometimes I say them out loud to convince myself. So back to: "What is Jesus waiting on"...he's waiting on me.

I want the benefit of being a Follower of Christ--such as salvation, peace, joy and the like--but I want to retain a little independence as well. We all want to hold on to part of ourselves for ourselves, and I know I want to control the tempo of my discipleship. "I'll do that when the kids get older, I'll start doing that when I have more time, **insert more excuses here**”.

If I ask myself "Does Jesus have 100% of my heart?" I don't like the answer. My thoughts, behaviors and dreams...are they mine or His?

Truth is Jesus desires more of me than I've given Him to this point. He wants it ALL. Sometimes I wonder what Jesus is waiting on...he's waiting on me.

Obey

"To obey is better than sacrifice" - 1 Samuel 15:22

There is nothing that I can sacrifice to God that can make him love me more.
There is no amount of money I can give
There is no amount of devotionals I can read
There is not an amount of volunteering I can do
There is not a number of Bible studies I can attend

God does not need anything from me
God can continue being a perfect God with or without me
but...God wants my "whole life".

He wants it because he does love me. He knows what I as a human need. I need to be re-united with God. The hole and the space will not be filled by myself or my actions or abilities to follow rules and traditions of men.

God doesn't want me because he knows he'll damn me to hell if I don't love him. God wants me because if I separate myself from his Law, Love and Grace I will separate myself from him and with that separate myself from eternal life.

The good news for sorry little me is that while there is nothing I can do to gain God's favor or to make him love me anymore there is also nothing I can do to lose his Love.

All sins apart from the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit are forgivable. Denying God to live in us is our only damnable offence.

To Obey is better than sacrifice


"This is love for God: to obey his commands and his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God." - 1 John 5:3

Married Woman

I am in love with a married woman
she's smart, funny and kind
I am in love with a married woman
like a possession I feel she's mine

I know it's love, I think
as I watch her profile laugh at a
soon to be forgotten sitcom on channel 5, 9, or 12

She doesn't know this but I can't stand
this program and my eyes that were watching
her mouth laugh move to her uncovered little feet.
I sit on the couch to be with her...
this married woman

I hear her children playing upstairs
and my concentration breaks
my attraction to her grows
and my gaze goes from her toes
out the window

A gecko nervously pulsates his head from the
base of a tree, looking for that mate to be

I hear another giggle and refocus my
attention, now she's looking at me.

Her eyes I see and this married woman is
still a mystery.

I'm glad I wed a young girl over 10 years ago
so that this married woman and I could let our love grow.

Sitting

I've been sitting
watching the time go by
not knowing why but I'm losing

I've seen dark times, the stars and the night times
I've heard bad dreams, nightmares & day screams
but I found my way here too.

You'll accept me, never reject me
Love and hold me through
all my mistakes, my short fuse and
my bad dates I can't keep you away.

I know I found the King not buried in
the ground, he was raised in just three days.

God's only Son, Holy & Anointed One
Here for the last, the lost, the meek.

Please kill my pride, that separated me
from your side, I'll ask my mom if I can play

Please God: thank you for your only Son
Please God: let 'em all feel your love
that is...he last, the lost, the weak
That is...me

Broken

It could be beautiful
It's broken, I run across it in a dusty shop
It was made long ago and beautiful
It's broken now.

I purchase the broken unrealized treasure with the intention to fix it

Days to weeks
weeks to years
years to decades

During these times I work on it
Sometimes I work harder at it
Sometimes it sits for months with no attention
Gathering dust, until I remember again
the un-realized treasure in my possession

I tell family, friends and neighbors what I'm working on through the years
I gain their admiration and appreciation
Most of the time just for taking on such a grand project and hefty task

Most admire me for the effort alone
At times the recognition is enough
And I momentarily abandon the goal of
total refurbishment

At times it sits to be a story to be admired by others

In the end I know that to fix my currently broken, but possibly beautiful treasure
that I must give it to the manufacturer

I know that I'm missing a piece that will never be in my possession
I will never obtain it
without this missing piece, it will never work as intended
It will never stand on its own

I don't want to surrender the treasure
I'd rather have it broken and to myself than have it fixed and out of my possession

If I give it away I will never get it back

The original manufacturer will restore it
and the treasures beauty will be used
but not for me to admire
I won't be able to take recognition for fixing it

I'll have given up
I'll have quit

IwillneverfixitIwillneverfixitIwillneverfixit

Days to weeks
Weeks to years
Years to decades

I will never fix it
It's broken

I will never fix it
I'm broken

I give up....
I quit...

Christ restore me