Capital "w" Wisdom

I love Michangelo's creation of Adam; God is outstretched reaching with all his might, being held by the angels of Heaven so that he does not fall. Then there's me (man/Adam) barely giving any effort, I'm lazy and I make sure that I stay comfortable, I reach out with a limp wrist keeping myself just out of God's reach.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" - Proverbs 3:5

I have at my disposal the ability to tap into the wisdom of the creator of the Universe. The One who knows the fabric of my soul and holds the future in his hands.

I have in me the power of the Holy Spirit. Those who ask for it have been left with "The Counselor" (Jn 16:7) and this Spirit of Truth will guide us to all Truth (Jn 16:13).

Wow...but something is wrong, because I don't feel that I have the wisdom of God when I need it. I don't always feel "guided". When I do "feel" something can I honestly tell myself that I'm in communication enough with God through prayer, and that I'm in his word enough to know that my thoughts our not my own, but Gods?

I am guided by my will.

God did great things through Jesus' disciples and I think: "sure they did these things but they were able to walk with Jesus for 3 years; if you gave me that privilege Lord I would look like Peter, Andrew, James our John too" (See how I assume that I would be in Jesus' inner group?...My pride and ignorance are grand). But Jesus tells them that God will give them something better than his teachings and miracles, he says that it's good that he's leaving that once he dies they will receive something that wont speak to them in parables or figuratively but the Spirit of Truth will tell them plainly. This spirit is something I will have access too as well. I have no excuses.

"I tell you the Truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you" (John 16:5-7)..."I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

So instead of listening to God I lean on the understandings and advice of other humans and mostly myself. I trust my limited human knowledge that is motivated by my own selfish and sinful desires. And I don't trust in God.

I ask for God's wisdom (that is easy)

but when he gives me his wisdom do I listen or follow it no matter how hard? Or do I sit comfortably and give God an index finger not even fully extended?

My mind needs to be his.

**This was written while listening to The Low Anthem's album Smart Flesh**